psychological assessment (what does it mean?)

Emma's description of her first communion: "princess and church castle". Isn't she adorable?

It went so well. I was afraid Emma would refuse the Host but no, she did everything she was supposed to do. At home, when we were practicing, she would say Amen, and then Hmmm, popcorn!

After pondering over why reading Emma's assessment made me cry, I've reached a few conclusions.

Living with Emma is such a wonderful experience. I am always surprised, taken aback when people tell me "It must not be easy having a special need child." or "You and Carl are so special for the way you deal with things?" I never quite know what they mean. My answer usually sounds like, Oh, quite the contrary, Emma cheers us up each and every day of our lives.

I am always so proud of Emma, I always see her wits. Some little comments she makes show me she understands a hell of a lot more than people give her credit for.

To me, she is as "normal" as it gets. She is simply Emma, my little girl who is as sharp as a stiletto heel. Emma never misses much of what is going on around her. She is my little social butterfly, always super happy to see anyone who walks into our home, always greeting people wherever we go.

I am so busy celebrating her being that I forget what a regular 8 years old is supposed to be like.

That is why I guess I was a little bit shocked at reading this cold, systematic assessment of her cognitive development. It brought to the surface a reality that I tend to forget. I do not live in denial, but in complete acceptance of who Emma is, never comparing her to her peers.

My conclusion: I would never ever trade Emma for a paper that said my 8 years old girl acts, thinks and behaves like a regular 8 years old should.

The conclusion of her assessment said that she was still entitled to the services she was previously receiving. In other words, she still has Down syndrome, she is still mentally delayed.

No guidance for next steps, or paths to follow. So I guess we'll keep doing what we were doing: follow our instincts and keep on loving her to pieces.

MIXED EMOTIONS

Emma was confirmed Monday night.

Betsy gracefully accepted to be Emma's sponsor; the best and most appropriate choice I could have ever made!!!

All through the ceremony Emma was fidgety. Moved to the left, moved to the right. And every few seconds she would kiss or hug Betsy, Dakotah and I. I was wondering what Emma was grasping about what was going on. But when came "the moment", with Betsy's hand upon her shoulder, I could sense a change in Emma. She was at peace, and happy. Betsy's peacefulness was filtering through Emma. It was palpable. What a wonderful moment!!!

Then, last night came the results, black on white, of Emma's latest psychological assessment. Numbers ranging from 2.11 to 4 years old, mentions of Moderate state of mental retardation.

Silly me, even if I know that this is only a paper, even if I know that Emma is totally happy and even if I know that I love her to pieces, I shed a few tears. I also read that Emma's ability to adapt is greater than her cognitive abilities. This is good, no? Does that mean that Emma will make her way in this world a little easier because of that? That she'll find her place in the sun?

Why? Why does it bothered me so? When every each day of my life, I celebrate Emma. I love her wit, her sensitivity, her ability to marvel at the smallest beauty or "growl" her discontent.

I don't know. I am still reflecting on that one.

Then, came a beautiful note from Betsy (read her post), and our world is once again a wonderful place to be in. Betsy is always, always good to my soul. Thank you to the best sponsor in the whole wide world! And yes, everyone was envying you and my girl. You two were glowing LOVE!!!